Well, 2pm rolled around and the pain was still with me when all the sudden I started sweating profusely and I began to get rather painfull stomach cramps. So I went and used the bathroom figuring if I'd forgotten (there's no warning when I have to "go") then that might be the problem, and crawled into bed.

I've slept off and on since then (it's now 11) and the cramps are gone. Everyhting else is still with me. Suspecting that I'll be awake for awhile I'm wishing there was some drink I could make myself that was as powerfull as coffee, but in the opposite direction. There probably is something like that out there, but seeing as not very many of us want to be put back to sleep for 8 hours every day it never made it into commercialisation. "Yes the roasted seeds of the rambutu tree will do that" I'll find out 4 days before I die. Sigh.

Some of you may wonder why the hell I get up so early- especially when I've usually fallen asleep so late. Unfortunately the world doesn't run on my schedule... So I must be awake at certain times of the day in order to go to appointments and purchase various things I need to get other things done around here. Once I get my new ferret cage on Wednesday (found a traveler willing to transport it for me, Thanks) things will be a bit easier, as I won't have to spend so much time looking for the little bastards when it's time for me to go to bed. Anyway, I wear out usually by about 2 or 3 so if I'm going to get anything done I nee3d to get up early. Usually takes me untill about 8 to get all my morning crap done- (pills, coffee, bathroom stuff) I can do it in 45 minutes maybe if I *really* rush but I've found when I do that I tend to forget things.

So I get up that early in an attempt to get everything I *need* to do done so I can get going on the things I *want* to do. My projects. Building the new footplate, the powered standframe and wagon, my living-room and bedroom copper light sculptures, all the plants need taken care of, I've got an idea for some solar path light modifications where I remove the guts of said lights and put them into a copper plant sculpture that looks a bit like a philodendron but not. Looks jike a smaller varsion of the living-room light I'm building. I know, I know, I have a $2,000 digital camera and I haven't taken a picture of it. Too busy following the ferrets around. Anyway, remove the guts from the path light and put them in the sculpture. Looks like a copper plant in the daytime, while it's a path light in the dark. I bet I can get at least 15 bucks each for them on ebay. Just have to make them. I've got all the parts and (finally) a small oxy-propane torch capable of melting the braizing rod I need to put it together. Other projects? A bar-b-q I want to make from an old automotive freon canister. I've got my Reil forge 1/2 done, just need the firebrick and the time to put it all together. Been working on that for a year and a half. More precicely, it's been sitting in the corner as I collect parts for a year and 5 months, I've been working on it for about a month. I've got an airhorn setup for the van. Have all the parts, the compressor, horns, pressure tank and pressure switch. Just need the time to put it all together and install it, then the fan horn will be as loud as a train's "whistle". Should easily wake the sleepy drivers. (who are usually on the phone) I want to hook up a sweet paly cage for the weasels. the new cage that's on the way will help enourmously, but I'll need to "modify" it a bit. Then there's a Folding @ Home (Team 12423) farm I want to build. Once again, I have all the parts. Haven't done it yet.
All these projects waiting for completion. Why haven't I been able to do them? Seems that every friggin' day there's something that needs my immediate attention and I have to spend my time doing that rather than what I want to do. Cleaning the house takes a hell of a lot of time. It's amazing how easy it is to make a goddamn mess when I'm in a chair. Every damn thing falls off my lap, and if it happens to contain something wet and staining (coffee) or something dry and small (vermiculite, potting soil, etc) it goes all over the damn place and I have to stop what I'm doing and get out the vacuum. Pretty easy to push that thing around... Anyway, I spend most of the day cleaning, unless I say "screw it" and continue with the project, which just makes cleaning the place take so much longer the next time. Sucks.
That may end soon tho as I went to the doctor today and he was "in a mood" and he told me if I needed anyone smacked around now was the time. So I told him of the pressure sore and what I think is causing it (spending so much damn time putting out the daily "fires") and he promised me he would write up a perscription for "attendant care" and a letter discussing why I needed help 2 to 3 hours a day with cleaning, cooking, changing the bed, all the daily sort of stuff. They (OWCP) could pay for attendant care, or pay for some when my current "stage 2" pressure sore continues it's downward spiral as I'm forced to stay upright in the chair instead of getting "off my ass" so it can heal. If I don't, and it gets bad or really bad then surgery to fix it will cost 60+ thousand dollars plus 4 to 6 months recuperation in the hospital (Craig, at $1,000+ a day) recuperating. So it's more financialy responsible to help me than cscrew me. Hopefully they can be made to realize this. I'd love to spend this semester relaxing and learning rather than rolling for my life trying to keep this house in some sembalance of order and do my homework. That would suck.

Buying parts for something is easy. Finding the time to build the thing is hard. I'd have alot more time if my body wasn't failing me forcing me to sit here in bed waiting for sores to heal or pain to go away. (yeah, right. Whatever. NONE of my pain pills can touch this.) If I could goddamn STAND UP or WALK things would be much easier. I wouldn't have to carry shit on my lap with it falling off every 3 damn feet making me stop and pick it up. I would be able to lift heavy things instead of pushing them across the floor, IF that is I can get them over the door lintle and in the damn house.

What a bunch of CRAP this is. Sucks having an active mind and a broken body.

Check out these images. Mine is doubtfull to get that far, but it's what I have to look forward to if I don't get any help and have to continue pushing myself as hard as I have been. Now that you're not hungry anymore., imagine what it must be like to live with something like that. talk about a pain in the ass? There ya go. You don't have to look at it if you don't want. I might have to live it.
And you wonder why I'm a bit bitter at being hung out to dry by my insurance. About how the bastards make me fight for every damn thing. makes me want to give up, say "fuck it" and let them pay for something big. Then write to supervisors and Senators about how if better care had been provided in the beginning, the expendature of $X would not have been necessary.
But I don't have time for something like that. I'd loose my mind if I had to lay on my belly for 4 months. I guess at least I'd catch up on my sleep.

Anyone watch Farscape? Jool looks like one of my massage therapists. (I have 4 who pass me around.. sucks, lemme tellya) If I didn't have a girlfriend... Well... She's pretty much all I've ever been looking for. But, I have a girl now who is very good to me and she would be a bit hurt if I "srayed" or something, so.. If life was different, it definately would be ... Different.