On Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping."
On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner. No purchase necessary. Details inside." (Shoplifters special)
On a box of Dial soap: "Use like regular soap." (what the fuck?)
On Swanson's frozen dinners: "Servong suggestion: Defrost." (How in the hell else am I supposed to eat it?)
On a hotel provided shower cap: "Fits one head."
On Teseo's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of box) "Do not turn upside down." (Too late!)
On Mark's and Spencer bread pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (Really? You sure?)
On packaging for a Rowena iron: "Do not iron clothes on while on body." (What the hell?)
On Boot's children's cough medicine: "Do not operate car heavy machinery." (How old is a child?)
On Nytol sleeping aid: "Warning, may cause drowsiness." (What did I buy it for again?)
On Korean kitchen knife: "Warning, keep out of children." (or pets.....)
On a string of X-Mas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use." (As opposed to where?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (I'm very curious here...)
On Sainsbury's nuts: "Warning, contains nuts." (? !)
On American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (People that dumb shouldn't be allowed to eat.)
In the Husquavarna chainsaw manual: "Do not attempt to stop chain with hands or genitals." (Where the hell did this come from?)
On a child's Superman costume: "Warning, wearing this costume does not enable you to fly." (Yup, destroy a universal kid fantasy)
On a car sunshade: "Do not operate vehicle with shade in place."