1. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
2. You let your fifteen-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front
of her kids.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
5. Jack Daniel's makes your list of "most admired people."
6. Your front porch collapsed and killed more than three dogs.
7. Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey, ya'll watch
this!"
8. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
9. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
10. Your junior prom had a daycare.
11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded off its wheels.
12. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
13. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
14. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House
of Tattoos.
15. You can't get married to your sweetheart up North because there's a law
against it.